Headlines from the daily papers about abuse in the church
Here they are: the church authorities, some of whom are only now beginning to grasp the damage they caused, and the victims who found their voices. There are also figures that stand apart from the subject —an unexpected absurdity offering a brief space to breathe. The portraits are not meant as realistic depictions. They came into being in paint, often forceful and uncontrolled. They are never flattering — that was not my intention.
dated 2004 until 2025
(click on an image to enlarge an artwork)
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Goodbye
2013At his farewell, he said that he had been fond of many of his little cubs — of some, perhaps a bit too fond.
stuck
2014And I kept watching to see if leaves would also grow on the wood. Whether there would come small twigs. And perhaps, after a while, he would be firmly rooted in the ground. Forever. For eternity.
Praying a lot
2012Pray enough, and it won’t bother you so much.
into the woods
2012We were not trained, we were sent into the woods. Many couldn't handle that.
scarred
2012Only then did I understand that you remain scarred for life, that the poison still lingers, even decades later.
Hijarbie
2025After hipster barbie and the barbie with “normal” body proportions came hijarbie — a new icon. For many children, it matters to have a doll that looks like them. The blue eyes stayed. The hotpants disappeared. The hair is hidden beneath a headscarf. Today, hijarbie wears modest, stylish clothes — from wool coats to tulle and bright scarves — showing the variety within contemporary muslim fashion.
love me
2012I was ten and I told my parents he must love me, he had kissed me on the mouth. They were shocked. That was the end of the Boy Scouts for me.
in general
2012In general, infantilism is considered to be significantly more common among men than women. Sometimes this desire has a sexual aspect and is therefore classified as sexual fetishism. A person who engages in this is called an infantilist; wearing — and sometimes using — diapers is usually an essential part.
Hilarious Baby Costume
2012
Hilarious Adult Baby Costume
Turn heads at any costume party with this funny adult baby outfit. The set includes a light blue baby romper with a bib and a pink hat. The bib features the playful text “Have a drink with me.”
This blue baby suit fits most adults (size 52–54). Don’t forget to add a pacifier to complete the look!
Now only €24.95 (was €33.95).
Add to cart
Complete package
2012Then I was allowed to come to her room. I thought that was an honor. But that’s when it began. I got it all.
I can see it
2012I can picture it with my eyes closed
the nose
2012The nose keeps growing, longer than the street itself. In the end, it crosses the highway — yes, right across it — toward the river, and then even farther. It seems to be reaching for the most distant clouds. People across the border will be astonished. What on earth is growing there? Reports appear in the newspaper; they call it an “inexplicable phenomenon.” you start to wonder: how long can this go on!
i just adore
2012i just adore his asking for more
Goodeye big man
2012
Daddy said, I’m sure it’ll be fun. I’ll pick you up later.”
“Bye, big boy!”
Not everyone
2012Not everyone is familiar with it, and you may find the idea strange yourself. The silicone version is slightly more expensive than the standard one. Higher-priced models also tend to feel more realistic. The doll is very user-friendly and comes with a manual. It’s easy to keep clean with warm water.
a bit
2012A little fiddling, that's what we called it
The real misery
2012The real misery began, cruelly enough, after I had written a letter to my parents saying that I wanted to leave. My parents didn't respond to it; they thought it would pass.
breath
2012He started wrestling with me again. I felt him on me, how he went back and forth and smelled his breath. I can still smell it. Every day.
understanding
2021I had expected him to be more understanding. It’s been an ordeal for me too. I blame myself.
types
2021There are two types. With orange hair and without. I’m one of the ones without. What are you looking at?
not the same
2012You don't take me to the same hairdresser, do you?
weekend
2020The tactic was to take us along on weekends. Four little boys, two tents. Each weekend, one of us had to stay with him. Horrible — because if you weren’t chosen, you lay in the other tent, knowing what was happening next door.
flowlessly
2015In the U.S., they’re sometimes called “predators.” like lions, they spot the weakest zebra in the herd — and bring it down.
grow up
2012When we grow up, my brother and I will pick dandelions. A whole basket full.
cake
2012And then we make a cake with it. Because we like yellow.
like a father
2012I just hugged him, like a father hugs his son
another boy
2012The last time I saw him, he had another boy with him. He really wanted to show it to me. "Look, this is my new friend". I felt jealous.
Who.
2015Who.Do.You.Think.You.Are!
spots
2012Sweet child so blue, your face full of spots. Come here that I love you and cover you with colors.
noose
2012A noose or executioner's knot is a sliding knot in the form of a loop. The difference between a noose and other knots is that the noose is meant to hang someone by their neck.
Herr Nobyl
2012Herr nobyl, what’s your opinion on that? Wasn’t the advice to destroy the spinach? To drink the milk only once it had a safety certificate? Even the jam, dear nobyl, they said not to eat! The regulations aren’t for nothing. Just look at me!
secrets
2012For years I carried the secrets with me. I worked for a living, but nothing ever really fell into place. Marriage, children, a career — it wasn’t for me.
lovely woman
2012My parents said, “that’s impossible. They’re kind women, caring for children out of compassion. They would never do that.”
new
2015Is there anything new going on in the world?
as a bird
2014Well, I felt as a bird must feel when it has flown across the ocean and comes upon a creature that knows its nest. From: 'Memoirs of a geisha', Arthur Golden
Big Eye
2015Big Eye, professional, personal security.
I can't
2012It’s strange, but since his death I’ve hardly played the piano. I used to love it, but now I can’t touch a key without becoming incredibly emotional. And then the nights, and waking up afterwards. I don’t want the day to end, and I don’t want it to begin. Sometimes, at night, I climb over the fence at zorgvlied with a bottle of wine and talk to him — just like we used to, to end the day. His grave has truly become a place of comfort for me.
tiger
2012Life in prison is destroying my health. My cell reminds me of a nineteenth-century or communist-era prison — maybe even a turkish one. I feel like a caged tiger.
today
2015“today I want to wear my shtiefel cap.” I keep a straight face — I know that look. “and where should I look for the shtiefel cap?” Slowly the tongue slips out, the eyes grow wide. “shtiefelkapfje!” It only grew quiet once we found it.
I stay here
2012Surely you understand I won’t do that. As long as there’s no other way to cross the river, I’ll stay here.
reassured
2012I saw the judges nod when I told my story. That reassured me.
it continued
2012It went on into the evenings. When I saw him at the door of our dormitory, when I knew he was the duty supervisor, I already knew what time it was.
One thing led to another.
2012I don’t know if that’s the right word for it. I thought treesje was a sweet child, who liked to be spoiled. One thing led to another. I had no bad intentions.
on my lap
2015Come here, little one… get close and sit on my lap
36778
2014This concerns 36778 documented cases.
word
2012Now there is a word for it: grooming.
lay hands on me
2014The elders wanted to lay their hands upon me, as it is written.
bite gently
2012He whispered in my ear: shall I bite you gently?
slowly
2012It is like a ponderous lid, slowly being pried from the depths of the cesspit.
a letter of apology
2012He sent a letter of apology and € 200,-, "a little compensation".
me too
2012Me too.
Me too
2012me too. from photo series 'comfort women from Japan' by Jan Banning
disappeared
2012Whew! There's no point in giving chase ... he has disappeared.
Die rote Hexe
2015Die rote Hexe, I had almost forgotten about her, until I smelled her again yesterday. It opens the gates of a unique world of taste. Due to her special appearance, she is not only an eye-catcher on the shelf, but her softly spicy aroma will also convince you of her other qualities.
fold my hands
2012What can I do to restore the relationship, other than fold my hands?
clever
2012He played a clever 'this-is-our-secret-don't-tell-anyone' game.
little thing
2015Oh, little thing. Held it too long. Yeah, that’s right, huge bang, didn’t see a thing. Those assholes later torched the whole lot without me. Yeah, that too, shit
compensate
2012Compensation shall be effected to the extent that interest rate derivatives fail to align, for instance in the context of a mismatch or pursuant to margin call exigencies. Contingent upon the nature of the technical imperfection at issue, in cases of overhedging the quantum of all net cash flows shall be remunerated in accordance therewith, and the remediation framework shall extend a discretionary goodwill compensation, taking into account the aggregate number of interest rate derivative dossiers in conjunction with the corresponding interest rate swap.
get used to it
2015He made me uncomfortable at first, but you get used to it. No alarm bells went off for me.
one day
2012One day he called me to his room. There I stood, opposite him, and suddenly he yanked open his long black counter. He grabbed me in a chokehold and pushed me to his lower body.
not with me
2019I don’t think biological differences between men and women matter much — not to me, anyway.
time hums
2004"The grave yawns, time hums, there is no salvation." Gerard Reve
avoid
2015The only alternative: avoid him once he had his eye on you.
not yet
2012But young children don't have the words for it yet
just like eating
2012It was part of it, just like eating, sleeping and going to school.
a break
2015He took me out for a ride. That was fun, of course — you got a break, outside the walls at last, seeing and smelling the world again.
masterpiece
2019The beauty of this masterpiece lies in how it reveals both a heavenly and an earthly view.
little tongue
2014When those eyes grow wide and that little tongue gently comes out, we know what time it is — and we head back home as soon as possible.
sixty million euro
2017Since 2010, the total compensation in the netherlands has reached €60,000,000. The church is not thriving, but we have managed to bear it.